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*Feature Article:
3 Ways You Exhaust Yourself—and How to Revive your Thrive
*Feature Program:
OPENING TO YOUR NEW DIRECTION with A Course in Miracles
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CALLED: Write That Book Now!
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Unleash Your Calling: Creating the Work and Life You Love
at Kripalu Center (MA)
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More Inspired Opportunities!
3 Ways You Exhaust Yourself—and How to Revive your Thrive
By Tama Kieves:
I am seeing more zombies lately—the walking tired. Deadened eyes, pale skin, broken hearts. Yes, we live in interesting times. But I’m also concerned about the casual sadness we relentlessly inflict upon ourselves.
What if you’re not drained? What if you’re pained… and the pain is a cry to uncover your own peace of mind and happiness? You are not as overwhelmed as you may think.
Of course, these times are hairy. But you were born for this. And it might just be your time to go bold. To honor your lifetime and abilities like never before. Or to transform every experience through self-kindness. When the weight of the world is too much, stop waiting for the world.
This month, dive into these three revolutionary questions to ask yourself—and begin to thrive.
1. Where Am I Being Inauthentic?
The Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast says “The antidote to exhaustion may not be rest. It may be wholeheartedness.” Because a half-life hurts us. And if wholeheartedness is tonic, then fake-heartedness is toxic, though socially acceptable.
This is what being less than true to myself feels like to me. It’s swallowing a barrel of sea water and trying to sing an aria– proving that you can die with your music in you.
For example, it’s when your boundary-less neighbor asks if she’s keeping you, as she launches into another story about her grandson’s adorable antics or how Elvis is alive and running our government from Graceland. And you say, “No that’s all right,” when, really, you want to shred your own skin. And there goes your time to research attracting clients or walk your dog.
Or maybe you’re at the office and you crack a smile full of daisies at the manager you think should be locked up. That smile is poison, destroying cells, burning up fuel you might have used to launch a TED talk. I’m not even exaggerating here.
It takes everything you have to be everything you’re not.
Here’s some more questions to ask yourself: Who would I be if I weren’t trying to impress someone else, be overly polite, or fit in? Who would I be if I didn’t dim my boldest truth?
2. Where Am I Judging Myself?
The wisdom tradition of A Course in Miracles teaches “you are not capable of being fatigued. But you are quite capable of wearying yourself through the strain of constant judgment.”
Oh, that. Strain of constant judgment. Nails on the chalkboard obliterating all birdsong. The rant in my head that is so familiar, I forget that judgment is not reality.
Things are never as frightening as I might think they are. Yes, my small self is uncomfortable. But I have resources I have yet to discover. We all do. It’s why we’re here. And this world is made of stardust, not just the desperation or greed of the few who are not in touch with their love. Life is so much larger than our limiting thoughts.
Are you listening to a broken record that goes something like this: I thought I’d be further along by now. Everyone else is doing so much better. I don’t have enough money and I’m a chubby sucker. I’m afraid to believe in myself because I might make a mistake. These are not rational thoughts. It’s not rational to listen to thoughts that dim your excitement or love. Love is your
life force.
We do have a choice as to what we think about and where we place our attention. It takes dedication and it’s worth everything we’ve got. Because our attention creates how we experience our relationships and opportunities.
Our attention creates our moments, days, years, and life. Where do you place your attention? Are you attacking yourself or others? Or are you focusing on what’s going right in your life and how well you’re doing right now?
I used to think that self-judgment would whip me into shape. But judgment whips me into bad shape. Every time I judge myself, I hurt my own heart. I pollute my oxygen. I snap the necks of songbirds. I am no longer useful to myself– or humanity. I can’t judge myself and see my opportunities at the same time.
Yes, of course I am going to be practical.
But it’s never practical to make myself feel bad about myself or the world I live in—and then expect great things to come of it.
It doesn’t take more work to be a hero, someone who chooses to use her abilities on behalf of herself and others. It takes more energy to diminish myself daily.
No matter where you are or what’s going on right now, dare self-kindness. Kindness is fuel and foundation. You can walk into any chaos– because you’re not walking in with chaos.
Here’s some more questions to ask yourself: Who would I be if I weren’t telling myself that I’m doing it wrong? Or that it’s too late, or I’m a mess, or the world is too much of a mess?
3. How Am I Ignoring My Own Genie?
You have a genie installed within you, eager to help you create the life you are born for. Instructions and synchronicities await you– every second. But you ignore this superpower. You even berate yourself for having faith.
“Maybe I’m just being silly,” you think to yourself, right after your heart skips a beat with electric hope. Because you’ve been trained to trust your negative mindset more than your light and genius. But genius can be a flash of the future, while your brain rehashes the past, and, often, in a sour, compromised way.
Fear tells you it’s more practical to shut yourself down to potential. And this “protection” is a rejection of your infinite energy. It’s exhausting to hold back your birthright and break your own heart over and over.
Try this and see for yourself: See if doing something meaningful to you for an hour drains your energy– or increases it. We both know the answer already.
In my book Inspired & Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life’s Work!, I wrote: “Your desire is your destiny.” It’s not happenstance. Your real dreams inform your cells. Maybe you don’t know “the steps” for how to do something.
But it’s a process like birth. Allow yourself to be moved. Believe me you don’t need “the steps” when you’re moved. Just stop fighting yourself. It’s the only step there is. And it doesn’t mean you have to abandon the life you know. Just don’t abandon the life you don’t know yet.
Besides, you may be working three times as hard to get what you don’t even want.
So, what if you dared to believe in the intelligence of your heart’s desires? Availability is the origin of wild inspiration. Anything less is the purgatory of resignation. That’s a path through a desert– and if burning alive isn’t enough– rest assured they’re playing Muzak.
Here’s some more questions to ask yourself: Who would I be if I weren’t telling myself I was ridiculous for believing in bigger possibilities? Or if I weren’t telling myself that my future will disappoint me like my past? Or if I dared to believe in my desires?
___________
If you’re tired, please do get some extra sleep. Do drink some water. Do breathe in some canyons or whatever nature you can immerse yourself in.
But do keep in mind that it’s your ultimate expression (whether that’s writing a screenplay, gardening, or trusting yourself) that will rest your body and your soul like nothing else can.
*****
Here's my Coaching Practice for you this month:
What’s one small way you wish to be more authentic? Or stop judging yourself? Or start trusting your genie?
(Quick… email us tell me your first thoughts or intentions for yourself this month. Sharing IS strengthening! I will hold it with you in love.)
With love and fierce support,
Want to share this piece? Please do!
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© 2024 Tama Kieves. All rights reserved.
TAMA: Honors graduate of Harvard Law School turned mojo career catalyst.
Best-selling author of This Time I Dance!: Creating the Work You Love, Inspired & Unstoppable: Wildly Succeeding in Your Life’s Work!, A Year Without Fear: 365 Days of Magnificence, and also Thriving Through Uncertainty.
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