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3 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Young woman in in pink dress twirling on a forest path

Some years ago, I sat at this wedding and met a younger woman who had gone to two Ivy League schools and had a masters and a doctorate and had run marathons and traveled in countries like Cambodia and Vietnam. Not only that, but she was strikingly pretty, could belt out Hip Hop at the karaoke bar, had a disarming sense of humor and a sweet husband with buckets of money. Clearly, she’d gotten quite the package deal from the Big Cosmic Travel Agent in the sky. The encounter made me want to run home and win a Nobel Peace prize or at least clean up my basement. Where had my time gone? Why hadn’t I achieved more with my life?

“Let’s keep in touch,” she said breezily, as the evening ended. And I thought to myself that could get expensive for me, what with the therapy bills and all.

Been there? Ready to stop comparing yourself to others? Here are three things to keep in mind:

1. Love Makes No Comparisons

Comparison is such a nasty business. A complete stranger could stir up a hornet’s nest in me, just by being impertinently flawless and sitting next to me with good perfume.

In the wisdom tradition of A Course in Miracles, it says, “Love makes no comparisons.”

It says this, not because that’s a nice thing to do, but because comparison is impossible.

We don’t know the journey someone else is on. We don’t know the journey we’re on.  We don’t know the miracles that are right in front of us, when we choose to enter our current lives with no regrets and no holding back.

2. You Are Not in the Wrong Life

“I should have done more with my life by now,” is a comment I often hear from clients.

They are filled with comparisons, regrets and wisps of dreams that tempt and sting them. They come home from work barren and restless. They have survived on autopilot and “survival” costs them peace of mind. They want sweeter days. They yearn for accomplishments that reverberate in their soul. But here’s the real secret. 

They don’t regret their past. They regret their present.

You only regret the past when you’re not in love with the moment before you.

Change this moment, and you change how you feel about everything. You can’t be in the wrong life….if you’re in an enchanted moment. Comparison will cost you enchantment.

3. Tend Your Own Roses

When I strain to see my neighbor’s garden, I’ve taken my eyes off my own. “My God, look at the size of those roses,” I despair, while my patch of land withers with neglect. Nothing grows without attention and love. Likewise, nothing remains the same when offered love and attention.

Want to stop comparing yourself to others and finally live a life of no regrets, no matter what choices you’ve made in the past? Make these choices right now.

Keep your eyes on your own roses and tend them with every thing you have.

Plunge into accepting and blessing your own unique circumstances.

Take a small step, a big step, a holy step in the direction that calls you right now.

Trust that you are not alone and that you will have what you absolutely need.

Diving into this moment with integrity answers everything. There is no past or future. There are no other choices.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else has. You have this unbelievable moment.


Picture of Tama Kieves

Tama Kieves

Tama Kieves is an honors’ graduate of Harvard Law School who left the practice of law to write and help others create their most extraordinary lives. She is the bestselling author of numerous books and her latest is Thriving Through Uncertainty. Featured in USA Today and on Oprah radio, she is a sought-after speaker and visionary career and success mindset coach, who has helped thousands world-wide to discover and thrive in the life, calling and businesses of their dreams. Go here to get 3 Free Days of inspired coaching videos to create the work and life you love!

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